You can’t MAKE your husband crunchy. (and why you shouldn’t try)
Maybe you are one of those lucky people whose life partner is someone who shares their passion for real food, sustainable living and hatred of plastic. Or maybe you are like the rest of us…
I am what a lot of people call “crunchy”. I scored a 43 out of 50 on this “You Might be Crunchy if….” quiz, but I gaurantee my husband would get a much lower score. While I am agonizing over which recipe for homemade toothpaste to use, he is sneaking in bright blue mouthwash. I might spend the whole week preparing paleo meals, and he will treat us all to homemade pasta. I get rid of our microwave and plastic cups and he takes his lunch to work in a plastic tub and microwaves it in the same container. He avoids changing cloth diapers, uses regular deodorant and never reads ingredients lists to check for GMOs.
Sometimes it may seem like your spouse/boyfriend/partner is undermining everything your are working so hard to achieve with your health. But guess what? You can’t MAKE your husband crunchy.
You actually can’t change anything about him. The more you try, the more he will resist. Your quirky, crunchy ways may amuse or annoy him, or maybe he doesn’t notice at all, but please understand that no matter how important they are to you, you can’t force your choices on someone else. It will only stress both of you out (and we all know that stress is bad for the immune system) and hurt your relationship.
Don’t worry. It’s not hopeless. It just has to be their own idea.
It’s funny how I can harp on something for years (fermented foods for example) and it goes in one of his ears and out the other. But then one day he is listening to the radio and hears a fantastic interview with someone talking about the benefits of fermented foods and how easy it is to do yourself. Next thing I know I am married to the world’s best preparer of kimchee. No joke. But if this happens, for heavens sake don’t make a big deal about it or say you told them so. Just enjoy.
Teach by example, not words.
Don’t let his disinterest slow you down any. Just as you don’t control his choices, neither does he control yours. He may (who are we kidding? He WILL) think you are a little crazy, but you do what you need to do and as long as you aren’t bossy about it, your influence will start to rub off. Bit by bit he will receive an education by osmosis. Again. You can’t MAKE your husband crunchy.
Focus on the wonderful.
I listed a few of the things I wish my hubby would change, but if I am being honest, there are so many more things that are already wonderful. Like how over the years he has learned to cook and thats how he unwinds on the weekend. Or how he always brings home a bottle of wine for me on Friday nights. Or how he really listens to our kids when they talk and takes the time to research and find funny educational youtube videos that build on their interests. Or how he can sense when I am upset and always listens. So, yeah. He isn’t interested in my DIY body care products or whether something is GMO, but he is an amazing husband and father. And that is good enough for me.
What about you? How do you deal with differences in opinion on health lifestyle choices with the ones you love?
You can’t make your husband crunchy, but your kids… now that is a different matter. Come take the You Might Have Crunchy Kids if… quiz and see if your example has influenced them!
Photo Credit: Michal Marcol freedigitalphotos.net (if you thought my hubby would ever want his picture on my blog, you have not met my husband). 😉
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DISCLAIMER: I am not a doctor and the statements on this blog have not been evaluated by the FDA. Any products or techniques mentioned are not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. I am just a mom who shares what works for me!
January 30, 2014 @ 1:21 am
Great reminder!!! I get so frustrated about this sometimes…
January 30, 2014 @ 3:45 am
Me too! I have to remind myself!
January 30, 2014 @ 5:32 pm
Great article! Thank you so much for sharing.
January 30, 2014 @ 9:58 pm
Thank you for the article. It definitely resonated with me. I can get extreme and emotional when it comes to health, it can bring out my inner busy body and I feel the need to save them, but I have seen that people do eventually come around and even if they accept an ideology because of someone else saying it; I should just be happy that they actually believe it. You have definitely granted me a little more inner peace on the subject (:
January 31, 2014 @ 12:32 am
This is so true. Thank You for the insight! I have seen similar changes in my husband as the days… Or months go by. But I’m glad I’m not the only one!
February 5, 2014 @ 4:54 am
I also concur with the other respondents. I cook for the most part different meals for the two of us. I always buy conventional for him and organic for me. Main reason is because he tends to waste food since his eating habits seem to change constantly. He also enjoys eating out more than I do. This article confirmed the path I decided to take since last year: enjoy and love all that he is and does for me/us, the rest really does not matter since he respects and loves me unconditionally.
February 5, 2014 @ 5:04 am
Life is easier in general if we let go of expectations for others. We have plenty to focus on in keeping ourselves on track. Thanks for reading!
February 24, 2014 @ 4:10 am
This is a tough subject for me right now, as my recent break-up was in large part due to our extreme differences on almost everything in these categories :-/
But due to that experience, rather than deal with it again, I’d rather find a guy that thinks more like me in these regards, but I have no idea how to go about that. Is that such a wrong thing to want?
Still trying to figure all this out…but thanks for the article to see it may not be so bad if there really is love.
February 24, 2014 @ 1:39 pm
Maria, there are so many different facets in every relationship that makes each one unique. Sometimes these disagreements might be a symptom of something deeper. My goal was simply to point out that many times these sorts of disagreements (like disagreements in other areas) are simply ways of people expressing their individuality. There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting someone with whom you have these or other lifestyle choices are traits in common. But I think that is something to look for going INTO a relationship, rather than trying to change someone you are already in a relationship with. Trying to change another person rarely ends well. Best of luck moving forward!
February 24, 2014 @ 6:31 pm
Thank you. I absolutely needed to read this 🙂
February 24, 2014 @ 6:39 pm
Thank you for reading. It’s something I have to remind myself of often too!
February 27, 2015 @ 11:53 pm
My favorite part of this article is the reminder that a husband’s disinterest isn’t conscious sabotage! It can be quite bewildering for a loving husband (or wife) to track all the nuances of the ever-changing array of exploration one’s partner is taking. And if you decide to cheat a little and ask for a bottle of cheap alcohol for a night’s indiscretions, don’t be too upset when he returns with a loving grin and a tempting six-pack.